Senior Lady

Based on a True Story

Once upon a time, a not so long ago, there was a tall skinny senior lady taking a brisk walk on the grounds of a country estate. This estate was in a town so small that there was not even a red light. The senior lady (age not known) met the Dog Lady coming from the opposite direction. She had 3 Boxers on a leash. As she passed, both ladies nodded to each other and Dog Lady said to Senior Lady “Don’t worry, they’re good dogs, they won’t bite.” Senior Lady kept on walking – not talking to the dogs nor petting them or anything.

Now the dogs were sophisticated and hip. They lived in a well educated, financially secure household. So they watched a lot of TV – cartoons, animal planet and nature stories. As they passed the Senior Lady – Dog #1 said to the others “I think she could swell up like a Blow Fish and be a monster!” Dog #2 said, “I think she could flatten herself out on that rock cliff and be camouflaged so that we couldn’t even see her – she’d be invisible.” Dog #3 said, “I think she can hold her breath til she turns red and then blows fire out of her mouth – like a dragon.” All three dogs looked at each other and said “She’s a monster! Let’s take her down!”

Now Dog Lady was admiring the beauties of nature as they passed the Senior Lady. She loved her dogs and indeed thought that they were perfect! She expected no trouble from either her dogs or the innocent looking Senior Lady.

Senior Lady was a walker from way back so she knew to be careful and pay attention to your surroundings and don’t annoy strange dogs. So she kept her head down and kept walking until she was hit from behind with the force of a mac truck and down she went.

The dogs seized her by the leg and began to have their dinner (I don’t know, maybe Dog Lady had not fed them.) Dog #1 took a bite and moved away for Dog #2 and then Dog #3 muscled his way in. That leg bone was just what they wanted.

When this happened, the Dog Lady just stood there in shock for a minute – this couldn’t be happening. Finally she came to enough to realize that she had to get the dogs off the Senior Lady before they started eating other parts.

Senior Lady is lying on the ground, hysterical and saying things that can’t be repeated (some words I think she made up on the spot). She’s bleeding and three dogs are attacking her. She is not a happy camper.

Dog Lady finally gets control of the dogs, looks down at Senior Lady and said “My dogs didn’t bite you. They’re good dogs.” She said this as Senior Lady is lying on the ground, bleeding and hysterical. Senior Lady said “How do you think this happened – that I’m laying on the ground, bleeding and your dogs are on top of me?” Dog Lady decided the best thing to do was to disappear.

As luck would have it, there were only two cars parked by the side of the road – one was Senior Lady’s and one was Dog Lady’s. Now Senior Lady was bleeding, in pain and very upset but not crazy. As she hobbled to her car, she took down the license number of Dog Lady as she sped off.

Senior Lady looked for help – a park ranger, a policeman, anybody. But nobody was around. She drove to the only restaurant in town – a coffee shop and hobbled inside. There she met Rescue Lady. Rescue Lady said, “Do sit down, I’ll make you some tea and call 911” and she did.

Police and the ambulance showed up shortly, took all the information, took care of Senior Lady and whisk her off to the hospital. There she endured further pain as they had to do a leg graft. They cut off a piece of meat from her skinny butt and sewed it on her leg. Oh – the indignity of it all!

The Policeman went to see Dog Lady. She told them her dogs were good dogs but they had a hard time believing that since they also attacked the Policeman.

As of this writing – the fate of the poor dogs is up in the air - also the fate of Dog Lady. As the Policemen left, they said one to the other, “you might think that this is the end of this story but it isn’t – just wait!

The Senior Lady’s lawyer will get in touch with the Dog Lady’s lawyer and this will go on for some time yet!

And you thought seniors led a dull life!

My friend Cornelia is “Senior Lady” in the above story. After the dog attack, she spent several days in the hospital and then was sent to rehab at a nursing home. That is where I visited her. I asked for details regarding the attack. Now she has a wild and wacky sense of humor and began to exaggerate and invent details. I joined in and we spent the afternoon laughing. I left saying that I was going home and would write a story about the event. Several days later I returned, read her the story and we spent the afternoon enjoying my version of the event. I gave her a copy of the story and she sent it to family and friends. The results were a mixed bag – some laughed and some were horrified.

I read it at a Coffee House where it was a smashing success. Since then I’ve used it several times – always to mixed reviews. It’s certainly different – like, let’s see where my imagination can take me.

Cornelia and I like and enjoy it. And now you know the rest of the story.
MBS 1/11